Be proud of who you are and where you come from

Everyone has a back story and everyone has gone through something in their life that dictates the trajectory of where their life is heading. The sad part is that it is not normalized to talk about all of the hardships that people go through before they were successful. Most people are taught to not talk about the bad and to only showcase or celebrate the good in your life. The truth is, without the bad things most of us wouldn’t be the people that we are today. 

I try to walk through my life never judging a book by its cover. Always reminding myself of where I came from and what I have had to overcome in order to be the person that I am today. Allowing myself grace and the room to fail has been extremely hard for me, but I feel like it is vital in order to learn and grow as a person. 

I write this not to get sympathy from people, but in hopes that this will reach someone who will find it meaningful and help them realize that even though the world is cruel there is still hope and light. Use the negativity as fuel to continue to work hard to prove to yourself that you can achieve any goal that you have set. 

I have gone through a multitude of horrible events in life starting from childhood and through my adult years. From being sexually abused to being told by family members that I won’t amount to anything in life, I will likely end up a single mom living off of government assistance. I have been told that I’ll never be loved because I am unlovable and worthless. I was bullied in school and made fun of because I was poor and going to school in an affluent area with kids whose families were extremely wealthy. When I told my dad that I was pregnant right out of high school at 18 years old he said “I knew this is what would happen to you” and “I made a bet with your oldest brother that you would have a kid before you were 20”. When I told my oldest brother that I was pregnant he told me “do the world a favor and kill yourself and the baby”. I have been cheated on, lied to, taken advantage of, I was emotionally, psychologically, mentally and physically abused, and completely isolated from my family and friends for six years.

I used to think that everything negative ever said about me or done to me was my fault and that I was just unworthy. I went through many years of therapy trying to understand why I was unlovable, why I was worthless, why I didn’t deserve to be happy, and why I didn’t deserve to be loved by anyone. What I ended up learning is that I am worthy and I needed to stop carrying all of the baggage that everyone around me was constantly dumping on me. I learned that I needed to love myself and do things for myself rather than trying to seek constant validation from the people around me. I also learned that I needed to surround myself with people who inspire me to be better, who allow me to enjoy who I am without trying to change me, who don’t judge me on my past, and with people who actually love and care about me without expecting anything but the same in return. We all have choices to make all throughout our lives. Making the choice to not allow my past to dictate my future was an extremely powerful and important choice that I made within my own life.

I started to think about who I wanted to be, what I wanted to be, and most importantly I wanted to be someone that my son (who was a baby at the time) could be proud of. I put myself through school by waitressing and bartending and eventually getting my associates degree in paralegal studies. I then got my very first job at a law firm working as their receptionist. I worked my way to becoming the only paralegal in the office for six attorney’s. I became a certified mediator in Oregon and then in Washington and Idaho. I eventually went back to school and received my bachelor’s degree in music production. I have had the extreme honor and pleasure of working with so many talented attorney’s and other professionals in almost every area of law and in many different jurisdictions including tribal and federal. My latest accomplishment is I started my own freelance paralegal business, Meaningful Paralegal Services. 

I have been a paralegal for 14 years now and the biggest lesson that I have learned, as cheesy as it sounds, is that as long as you believe in yourself and work hard you can accomplish anything. 

I often think about the extremely sad, lost, and lonely person that I used to be and about all of the negative things that people have said about me and done to me. Instead of getting upset or sad about what I have gone through I am now able to be thankful that I have gone through all of the bad stuff because it has shaped me to be the person that I am today. I am able to use all of the negativity from my past to fuel my fire and drive my goals and ambitions further. I am able to prove to myself that I am more than what other people think about me. My son who is now 19 years old told me not too long ago that I inspire him and that he looks up to me every single day and that he is incredibly proud of me. My daughter who is 9 years old also has told me how proud she is of me and that she looks up to me because I work hard at everything that I do.

My biggest piece of advice for anyone is to not let others' perceptions define you or where you want to go in life. Use their negativity as fuel to get to where you want to go. Prove to yourself that you are more than what people see you as. Always give yourself grace and allow yourself to make mistakes or fail. Those mistakes and failures are what helps you learn and grow as a person.